& Guest

April 17, 2020

I open my mail late on Monday night to find a Save the Date for my dear friend’s wedding. 

 

Along with a packet from USAA with my new renter’s insurance info after my husband canceled me from the account. 

Along with an overdue bill from Spectrum that I thought my apartment was paying. 

Along with a letter from Charles Schwab letting me know the company that put me on furlough will no longer be contributing to my 401K for the remainder of the year that I may or may not even come back to notice. 

Along with a missed notification from a Law Firm that the girl that has caused me the most financial hardship in the past month is indeed suing me over a dog bite that is unproven to be from my dog after he was in fact, attacked in the first apartment I was able to call my own home.  

 

It’s the ‘& Guest’ on the Save The Date that strikes the right cord. 

 

Another subtle reminder I am more on my own than ever and you must accept that. 

While yes, I am genuinely happy for her and wish nothing but the best for their marriage, I can’t help but to feel a sharp pang in my chest. 

I can’t go anyway and already decide to purchase a nice gift off the registry that I found from their perfectly crafted wedding website.  

Something I would have loved to receive when I was in her shoes, doing all these thing, not but two years ago.

No. 

I was not prepared for this reminder today.   

 

And like, who the hell would I even bring? 

Could I even make it through the ceremony before losing control of my emotions?

What if let’s say I even make it to the reception and they start giving speeches about true love and the bliss that comes with getting married?

Will I have to go out on the dance floor to Single Ladies when the DJ will undoubtedly play so all the men in the room know who is actually available to go home with at the end of the night?

No. 

I am not ready for this. 

Thank you very much for the reminder, but I will deal with all my other deliveries, on my own, before unpacking this one. 

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