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Distance

Above everything, we were in love.

We rode our bikes clumsily across our college town in the blistering fall heat.

He laid a blanket out for us by the shore of a small creek that ran through the park.

We watched the clouds loom by, not a care in the world.

I turned and told him I had not felt this peaceful in a long time.

His jaw defined, soft with eyes bright, matching the vibrancy of the sky.

His body strong, dense held me close, gently shifting with the ease of my words.

I could feel myself falling, wanting to be lost in that moment forever.

We’ve had a lot of moments like this since. Distant places, faces, memories now.

We endured a lot of distance in our relationship.

One full summer apart between my junior and senior year of college.

5 more months during my last semester as a senior.

1 additional month when he moved to North Carolina for a job before I graduated and could move down.

5 more months for training for the Army after not two months of packing my things and moving South.

One weekend a month and two weeks out of the year after that.

And the holidays. Always the holidays.

Above everything, we made it work to be together.

We still loved each other after all.

As time grew on our distance grew with it, even during those cherished moments we did spend together.

We could feel each other each peeling away, always bringing up that feeling from our time in college.

The difference is, we were no longer those people.

Every experience and new distance shaped us into different people.

We never quite found the ability to fall back in love with the here and now.

Above everything, we wanted deeply for things to go back to the way they first were and believed if we tried a little harder, they would.

I wish someone would tell you that after some time you start to forget details about the person you once loved with your entire being.

It’s like looking in the face of a stranger. I don’t even know this person and I am married to them.

I don’t know the hardened jaw, the hate and distance in their eyes.

I don’t know the tightened muscles or how to flow with these rigid movements.

I don’t know the person who’s face lights up at the thought of someone else.

Or I do.

I tip toe around my words, loose footing and would like nothing more than to be lost forever.

I am wondering if we ever knew each other through the years or if we will only know the people we once were in that small college town, forever actually lost in that moment.

We’re used to enduring distance, but how the hell did we let each other get so far and would being reminded be enough reason to stay?

 

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