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THE SUNFLOWER DIARIES

 

May 7, 2020

She wears a smile everyday 

so no one will think

she cried herself to sleep

or had too much to drink. 

She'll tell you what you want to hear,

that she's doing okay. 

So no one will know

what her life is like every day. 

She doesn't know what to say

or even who she'd tell. 

...

April 24, 2020

April 18, 2020

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt “okay.” 

That the decisions I was making and the path I wanted to be on were the same ones. Each action came with the hope that one of them would be the missing piece needed to make the picture make sense. All the decisions I blindl...

April 17, 2020

I open my mail late on Monday night to find a Save the Date for my dear friend’s wedding. 

Along with a packet from USAA with my new renter’s insurance info after my husband canceled me from the account. 

Along with an overdue bill from Spectrum that I thought my ap...

April 15, 2020

Above everything, we were in love. 

We rode our bikes clumsily across our college town in the blistering fall heat. 

He laid a blanket out for us by the shore of a small creek that ran through the park. 

We watched the clouds loom by, not a care in the world. 

I turne...

April 14, 2020

For awhile, I felt something was off.

Like I was dancing to a beat of a song that wasn’t playing.   

The movements felt right

but unnatural, untimely. 

We didn’t dance. 

We were two feet off the floor

not trusting ourselves 

or each other

before the music even started. 

So...

April 14, 2020

There is this darkness snatching me in my dreams, creeping in to catch a glimpse of the light of day. 

Up close, it looks and tastes and breathes like fear, whispering in my ear, begging to be looked at for the sake of my life. 

A darkness not to run from, but...

April 8, 2020

Summer 2010. 

I would wait all day for the sun to disappear so I could bathe under the light of the stars with my loved ones.

In the middle of the country the sky would turn so dark, so pure and empty, it was amazing that it could ever be anything else.  

I enjoyed findin...

April 6, 2020

Today, I took real action to heal myself. 

I put a name to it. 

I learned about grief. 

Grief is the loss of something. Psychiatrist Kübler-Ross introduces her five stage grief model in her book On Death and Dying as: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance....

April 4, 2020

It is in the chair of the small tattoo shop, 3 months after living on my own for the first time ever, that I said the words aloud for the first time. 

“I do not want to live in Southend anymore” 

Whoah. Where did that come from?

It just doesn’t feel like me and I am tired...

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Our Recent Posts

Adolescence

May 7, 2020

She wears a smile everyday 

so no one will think

she cried herself to sleep

or had too much to drink. 

She'll tell you what you want to hear,

that she...

Ships

April 24, 2020

Okay? Okay.

April 18, 2020

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt “okay.” 

That the decisions I was making and the path I wanted to be on were the same ones. Each action came with...

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"The sunflower serves to point you in the right direction and is a source of spiritual guidance. Even through difficult times, you will persevere"

 

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