May 7, 2020
She wears a smile everyday
so no one will think
she cried herself to sleep
or had too much to drink.
She'll tell you what you want to hear,
that she's doing okay.
So no one will know
what her life is like every day.
She doesn't know what to say
or even who she'd tell.
April 24, 2020
April 18, 2020
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt “okay.”
That the decisions I was making and the path I wanted to be on were the same ones. Each action came with the hope that one of them would be the missing piece needed to make the picture make sense. All the decisions I blindl...
April 17, 2020
I open my mail late on Monday night to find a Save the Date for my dear friend’s wedding.
Along with a packet from USAA with my new renter’s insurance info after my husband canceled me from the account.
Along with an overdue bill from Spectrum that I thought my ap...
April 15, 2020
Above everything, we were in love.
We rode our bikes clumsily across our college town in the blistering fall heat.
He laid a blanket out for us by the shore of a small creek that ran through the park.
We watched the clouds loom by, not a care in the world.
April 14, 2020
For awhile, I felt something was off.
Like I was dancing to a beat of a song that wasn’t playing.
The movements felt right
but unnatural, untimely.
We didn’t dance.
We were two feet off the floor
not trusting ourselves
or each other
before the music even started.
There is this darkness snatching me in my dreams, creeping in to catch a glimpse of the light of day.
Up close, it looks and tastes and breathes like fear, whispering in my ear, begging to be looked at for the sake of my life.
A darkness not to run from, but...
April 8, 2020
I would wait all day for the sun to disappear so I could bathe under the light of the stars with my loved ones.
In the middle of the country the sky would turn so dark, so pure and empty, it was amazing that it could ever be anything else.
I enjoyed findin...
April 6, 2020
Today, I took real action to heal myself.
I put a name to it.
I learned about grief.
Grief is the loss of something. Psychiatrist Kübler-Ross introduces her five stage grief model in her book On Death and Dying as: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance....
April 4, 2020
It is in the chair of the small tattoo shop, 3 months after living on my own for the first time ever, that I said the words aloud for the first time.
“I do not want to live in Southend anymore”
Whoah. Where did that come from?
It just doesn’t feel like me and I am tired...
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